The sky, bleak and gray,
The city, cold and still,
On this dreary winter day.
In houses people stay,
Their souls, bored and ill,
The sky, bleak and gray.
The wind sends leaves astray,
And brings a biting chill,
On this dreary winter day.
Pessimistic clouds, dismayed,
A grave gloom, gently instilled.
The sky, bleak and gray.
Unkempt snowmen on display,
Slowly melting, their task fulfilled,
On this dreary winter day.
In the slush, the children play,
While from the sky, rain softly spills.
The sky, bleak and gray,
On this dreary winter day.
My Villanelle depicts a typical winter climate, and the emotions associated with it. The piece is appropriate for my theme, "Seasons", as many descriptions used within it are recognizable features of the coldest season. Imagery is used throughout the poem (ex. "bleak and gray'", "slowing melting"), as well as personification (ex. "The wind sends leaves astray"). Vividly, this poem illustrates a dreary winter day, and emits a sombre mood.
First off I find it impressive that you did a villanelle.
ReplyDeleteI liked the mood it gave off, which is sombre as you said, and a bit depressing by talking about how bleak it was and how cold... I don't really like the winter.
The repetition was effective and I liked your description of the rain and the people (souls, bored and ill).
I think it might be more effective if you didn't use so many commas as it sort of breaks up the prose when being read and makes it a bit stilted.
Wow Frank this is really good. i really like how the words you've chosen to rhyme feel part of the poem, as opposed to like you chose the words and then tried to constuct the lines around them. If that makes any sense...The entire thing flows really well, and the imagery is really strong. i can FEEL winter, and i'd say that means you were sucessful. Good job!
ReplyDeleteNice poem, Frank. Especially since you've probably never written this type of poetry before; it's a successful first attempt. I agree with Alex when he mentions the commas makes your poem too chopped-up. Try using other punctuation marks, or even no punctuation marks at the end of each line.
ReplyDeleteFrank this was a really great poem as it allows the reader to create a vivid visual image of the scene in their heads. I think that this poem is really powerful and it it fits into your theme perfectly! Good job!
ReplyDeleteI've got to agree with everyone else in that this is a really nice poem. You do a wonderful job of describing and portraying winter to the reader.
ReplyDeleteThis is amazing!!
ReplyDeleteI tried to wrtie a villanelle and it ended up being a haiku...
so mad props!
Your description is incredible, and managed very well throughout this poem by making it still flow while making the reader feel and practically see the winter
good job!
Wow Frank, this is very impressive! You've captured the atmosphere really well through your tone; the images are very clear in a reader's mind. I really like how you described children playing in the slush - it just adds to the dreariness of it all because instead of the usual beautiful powdery snow, they're playing in gray slush. Very depressing actually.
ReplyDeleteI also really like the lines "unkempt snowmen" and "rain softly spills".
Terrific job, Frank!
it was alright, but i could probably do better.
ReplyDeletejust kidding. its really good, i like how you used the word gray or day after each stanza, that made a really powerful last impression on the reader. good use of descriptive words too
Great original poem Frank! Establishes quite a depressing atmosphere with repetitions of "gray" and ugly words like bleak and ill. The mood is set nicely. Nice job!
ReplyDelete-Sam
Did you write this? Its very edgy! I like it a lot, especially the line about the pessimistic clouds-very creative. Your use of alliteration was also interesting and added a sort of flow/consistency to the poem. The mood is truthful and relatable to us Vancouverites- awesome!
ReplyDeleteThis is a very good poem! I am very impressed that you were able to write such a good Villanelle. Great work! I really thought that the imagery in this poem related well to the images associated with winter. Really good job.
ReplyDeleteNice job Frank! I thought that your villanelle had a very good flow to it, and your repeating lines well-written and therefore not tiresome after all the repetition. I like that there is a lot of stop and go movement when you read this poem because of your use of the commas. There were many different ideas that were tied into the poem nicely that all connected to your main idea. Fantastic!
ReplyDeleteYour villanelle is very impressive, and it has great flow and tone. The adjectives and description is very good and does a good job of helping the reader to visualize winter. I found that your rhyming, rather than taking away from the poem addedd to it. Great job!
ReplyDeleteGreat villanelle, not only were you able to write one of these difficult to construct poems, you were able to do it very well. The imagery you are able to create as well as the emotions associated with the images are very powerful. Great word choices!
ReplyDeleteHoly wow, this is one great poem. Your rhythem and rhyme flows very smoothly from one stanza to the next. It keeps the original lines without ruining the rhyme or the meaning. I also liked how you used the "ll" words for the lines inbetween the first and third lines of every stanza. Overall, a great poem, really gets the idea of winter across.
ReplyDeleteI have been very impressed with all the villanelles, and have grown to really enjoy reading them. The flow of the poem is great, due to the rhym, rhythm and repetition used. Though some people said the commas chopped it up a bit, i disagree, i like the connection of the lines with the commas instead of adding more words to it. This made it more powerful to me. great job frank!!!!!
ReplyDeleteGreat villanelle Frank! I thought you pulled it off really well, and the strict repetition of the lines didn't throw you off. I found your word choice very interesting, especially the "pessimistic clouds", and the personification associated with it.
ReplyDeleteWoah good poem Frank! I like how you were able to incorporate many literary devices in your villanelle but at the same time not over load it with figurative language. I agree with Alex that the personification of the 'pessimistic clouds' is one of my favourite descriptions in your poem. The imagery you used in this poem helps me remember winter very well. It paints a very distinct picture in the readers' minds. Good job!
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